My mum- Pauline Sylvia Nelson, was born in January 1954 in the North of Ireland/Northern Ireland. Her parents were Albert and Meta. She grew up with her brother Lawrence in North Belfast. She had a little poodle as a child.

As an older teen & young woman, she had wonderful and crazy adventures with her friend Susie Tweedy about which Susie said-
There were nights out in Gerrys bar in the early 70’s when Pauline made people wait for her. Nights hanging out in the Club bar and even being in the Club bar when it was blown up! A wonderful memory for Susie was a time when they were dancing together in Botanic gardens – all walks of life were there and suddenly Susie was in the middle of a large circle of people swinging around and dancing with Pauline as her wild and curly blond hair flew about.

When my mum died earlier this year, I learned from Susie that she joined the Peace Pledge Union and went to private school, that she never wanted to conform and she never did! That she loved the Man From Uncle when they were young. Susie talked of times in the living room together, listening and listening again to records. She said that Pauline loved music and she loved to party. That she went on adventures tripping up the Cave Hill. She said that Pauline was kind and she was funny. She liked to laugh. She said Pauline was her own person. She didn’t care what others thought – She was just Pauline.

Pauline went on to marry my dad, Nelson, in the mid 70’s. They had me in 1978, my little bro Damion came along in 1986. My parents were hippies, kinda; as a child we travelled the world. They wanted to escape from Belfast and the war in Northern Ireland. I have distant memories of incredible journeys; house boats, temples, exotic animals and many beaches.
We were raised to be street-wise and to see the world from alternative, non conventional perspectives. Both mine and Damions upbringing was mad adventurous, chaotic, dangerous, idyllic, crazy, fun, a privilege and a challenge. I wouldn’t change it but I couldn’t choose it for my own kids.
My parents were doing their best with the cards they had been dealt in those times.

Other people have said to me-
Pauline was funny and she liked to laugh.
She had a flamboyant style.
She was into music and she was good at art.
She liked to dance and she liked to party.
She was beautiful.
She was kind.

I know-
My mums life was torpedoed by mental health issues.
I don’t know when they began because it’s hard to get information – sometime in my early childhood. My dad tried to help her the ways he knew how by taking her to holy lands and sacred places – magical and spiritual countries, but schizophrenia doesn’t seem to care about those things and these efforts by my dad didn’t make her any better.

Her life had sadness –
Poor mental health causes trauma and insecurity, especially in the past when there was less understanding about what it is and how to treat it. In many ways I didn’t know her well because she lived in another world, separate from ours. I don’t truly know what that must have been like for her. My guess is probably really pretty awful much of the time. The voices she heard affected our family. For much of my childhood, she thought we were actors or alien replacements for her real family. It was hard to be her child.

Because of this, I try to think about who she was when she was young – Photographs that show her as happy and amazingly well dressed.
Stories from her friends of dancing in the park and kindness to strangers.
She was a cool person. She had amazing times. She loved to party.
She loved fashion and music and art.

The sketches she drew of faces, fascinated me as a kid and I felt like they were a form of communication to us. Her creativity fostered mine. I’m an artist now and perhaps that’s because of her? I like to think so.
She left a legacy – Two amazing kids, me and my bro. Damion and I are both having really brilliant lives and between us we’ve made 4 more amazing humans. My mums grand kids.

She didn’t know about the Peoples Pyramid but I feel like it’s her vibe.
I am fortunate to be able to include her brick among the other bricks that slowly, slowly reach up toward the sky. It’s a therapy for me in a complicated story and something I can do for her that I see as real and worthwhile.
I think she would have seen it that way too.